It is good to pause as you Dash through life

This is what I wrote for Monday Starters on Dec 13

The Dash is a simple poem of 241 words. Written by Linda Ellis in 1996, the poem has taken on a life of its own.

The video clip on the website (http://lindaellis.net/wp) has been viewed 30 million times while some 300,000 products related to the poem have been sold so far.

Last week, a dear friend included the poem in his tribute to his late wife to commemorate the first year of her death.

He could have written a well-deserved eulogy about her but, as he puts it, “my wife would want this memory to contain a timely reminder for us.”

As far as timely reminders go, The Dash certainly does its job well.

It’s hard to read it without feeling that there is much to be done to sort out one’s life before one’s demise.

What is The Dash all about?

When someone dies, two dates are normally included in the obituary advertisement, and subsequently the tombstone. Date of birth and date of death. The two dates are separated by a dash.

The dash represents the time the person spent on earth.

If you are an important public figure in business or in politics, chances are you will have an obituary published in the newspapers. It could be written either by a journalist or an equally famous friend who knows you well.

Your list of accomplishments will be faithfully noted down – the day you made your first million, the many famous people you had dinner with, the day you got a Datukship, etc.

Your faults may be mentioned, although in true Malaysian fashion, obituary writers are generally kind with their words.

But that is just one side of the story. Others may remember you for very different reasons.

In a stanza of the poem, Ellis writes:

So when your eulogy is being read

With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say

About how you spent your dash?

Working in the press, I am bemused by the fuss made over an article sometimes, as though it is the most definitive and authoritative account.

The truth is, a person and his actions, will be viewed from numerous angles.

When two companies complete a mega deal, for example, that may be good news to one company, but not necessarily so for the other. The CEO who makes the killer deal may be embraced by the financial press but his family may wonder if his already busy schedule will be further compromised.

It is like saying the weather is bad simply because it is raining. In fact, it is a matter of perspective.

But rich or poor, famous or ordinary, the most meaningful account of anyone’s dash must surely be about how many lives have been touched by this person.

As Roshan Thiran puts it in his column on Saturday, chasing significance instead of success is the key to a lasting legacy.

Pause for a moment as you read this stanza:

It matters not how much you own

The cars, the house, the cash

What matters is how you live and love

And how you spend your dash

What, then, will my dash be – a sprint through the yellow brick road or an opportunity to make a difference on the road less travelled?

> Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin believes that as the year comes to an end, and we are in the season of bonuses and increments, it would be good not to despair because someone earns more but to remember that many others have to struggle just to make ends meet.

What is true kindness?

Today, most people are still looking at the Budget and wondering where all the real goodies are? For middle-class Malaysia, it does not seem to make any difference, as they were expecting tax breaks and more money left in the pocket.

This morning, I went for a walk and saw the most beautiful rainbow in the sky. It's amazing the number of beautiful sunrises I have seen in my neighbourhood, and also the rainbows. Of course many of us prefer to see such beauty in a resort like atmosphere. But the truth is, God's creation is everywhere to remind us of Him.

This morning, a couple celebrated their wedding anniversary. Another friend starts her chemotherapy journey. And I am reminded of much kindness and blessings in my life. I thank God for my wife, and my two sons, one of whom is now in London. I also thank God for the wider family and friends, and for good health.

My Monday Starters column today is entitled What is True Kindness? There is a story about this friend who took in a stranger, cared for him for six months, and then sent him back to his family in India. That, my friends, is what life is all about.

What is true kindness?

Some years back, a parking ticket in the local municipality did not require one to key in the car registration number. So if you still had some time left on your ticket, you could easily pass it on to the person waiting to take your parking spot.

In a busy neighbourhood, where we often need to park to pay a bill or pick up an item from the grocery store, an hour of parking time is often 30 minutes too long.

Obviously the operators spotted the problem of how the sharing of tickets impacted their revenue. So now you understand why your car number is stated on the ticket and unless another car with a similar number shows up, you can forget about outwitting the operators with such a random act of kindness.

I doubt if any of us were trying to cheat the operators. It was just a nice way to see a smile light up on a stranger’s face when he realised that you were not only giving him the space, but also the balance on your ticket.

And have you noticed also the diminishing number of “cash lanes” at our toll plazas?
Everyone just wants to rush through on the other lanes which accept their SmartTag or Touch and Go prepaid cards.

On the cash lane, you have the opportunity to surprise the driver behind you by paying his toll, and you can see how grateful he is as he passes you by.

I believe such simple gestures can contribute towards minimising road rage incidents. It is good for the soul of both the giver and the receiver.

I was reflecting on these random acts of kindness after a friend sent me an article she wrote about the test of true kindness.

She related a case of a beggar who was ignored as he went from one table to another begging for scraps of food. A doctor having his lunch at the coffeeshop went up to the beggar, asked him what he wanted to eat, sat him down, and paid for his meal.

The beggar finished the meal and left without saying anything to the doctor.

The doctor was upset. Why didn’t the beggar say thanks? Who does the beggar think he is?
In the end, the doctor realised the question was not so much who the beggar thought he was but who he (the doctor) thought he was.

Many of us would have reacted the same way. Often we act kindly and then are surprised when our act of kindness is not appreciated.

So what is true kindness? Let me share with you a true story.

Some years back, a very dear friend, now departed, passed by a dishevelled man sitting on the pavement daily as she went through her chores.

After months of ignoring this person, she felt she could not just walk by without doing anything.
She offered him a bun to eat. She did that daily for two weeks and then he disappeared. She searched for him and found him. He was sick. So she brought him to the doctor. And then she brought him home.

For six months, she and her family cared for this man, a total stranger, and nursed him back to good health. They learnt about his family in India and how he had been separated from them for 35 years. One thing led to another and the family was located.

Gifts of money began to pour in from sympathetic friends who’d heard his story. They paid for his passage home, with new clothes and presents to take home for his family.

No one knows what happened after that. And it didn’t really matter. Not to this dear old lady who first took him in anyway. To her, it was not so much the kindness she extended to him, but how much she was blessed by this man.

> Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin realises that many of us are still chewing on the monetary implications that Budget 2011 may have on us personally, and would like to suggest that there is more to life than simply money.

New location for Face to Face with Cancer

Thanks to a friend, I am now able to park the online versions of Face-to-Face with Cancer at his server.
This makes it easier for you to download the respective pdf files compared to when they were parked at a previous site.
To get the books, click on the links to the right. :)

It's been a while...

I don't post much so I am still not your typical blogger. I suppose the usefulness of this site is to allow those who want the pdf version of Face to Face with Cancer to be able to get it from here after the other website was shut down.

Along the way, I hope you will have a chance to read my regular column in The Star that basically takes a heart-and-soul approach to the daily issues in life.

I count my blessings each day.

God Bless You.

My Monday fans...

Every now and then, the editorial artist, Hassan, gives my regular column on Monday a lift, with his excellent cartoons. Like this one which appeared this Monday when I wrote about smartphones.

I got an interesting response from a reader, who is blind, and who enlightened me about how the iPhone is such a fantastic tool for the visually impaired.

He wrote:

Dear Mr. Soo,

I enjoyed reading your column today, Monday starters.Yes, I do agree that there is no finality to technology and, in this particular case , the rapid everyday technological advances for smartphones. It is certainly `cool' to be seen with a iPhone, Blackberry or any other up-to-date expensive touch screen smartphones today.

You wrote: "The problem with all these fancy gadgets is that we are thrilled initially as we try out everything and anything available. But eventually, we only use a smartphone, well, as a phone.".. Here, I beg to differ and offer my own personal views from a blind person's perspective.

The iPhone 3Gs smartphone, probably, the most accessible smartphone ever developed by Apple to date which I believe, will and/or perhaps, has started enhancing and empowering the independence of many blind/visually impaired citizens around the globe. The iPhone 3Gs is truly an amazing gadget, an assistive communication tool which many blind/visually impaired persons will benefit from the several built in accessible technological features that comes with the smartphone when one takes it out from the box. There is no further need to install a screen reader software, for example, the Talks Nuance software, required to be installed in other smartphones with symbiom operating platforms, before any blind/visually impaired persons could be able to start communicating with others.

I, for one, do not leave home without my iPhone and my white cane!The iPhone, with the built in voice over feature, allows me to make/receive calls, reading text messages, composing/replying text messages, read/reply my emails and surf the internet too whilst having tea/coffee at the many wi-fi eateries or have the 3G network enabled now and then.

There are several apps from the iStore that I could download for free or could be purchased at a nominal price and what is marvellous is, most of the apps are accessible to the blind/visually impaired. At a touch or a flick of my fingers, I too, could easily check the local weather, stock market report, connect to skype and facebook, etc. The iPhone 3Gs has the gesture based features built in, allows me to use the iPhone by tapping my fingers around the phone screen to navigate, scroll and open the links, etc despite the fact there is no physical buttons. The only button is the Home button. Another feature, the built in digital compass, this helps me to check my bearings and orientation now and then. I am searching and looking forward to download a suitable accessible and blind friendly GPS program withlocal maps , walking with turn by turn features that speaks and this will assist me to walk about independently!

BTW, the STAR newspaper is the most accessible local online media!

Cheers and Smiles... YAM Tong Woo

Thank You, Sir.

Home for the Chinese New Year

It's been some years since I spent Chinese New Year in my hometown. But this year, our family took the bus home on the first day to Penang, avoiding the crowd that made its way there much earlier. It was a pleasant ride home.

We spent four days in Penang, catching up mainly with family. Mum was very happy to see us. Although she is now in her 80s, she is healthy and able to remember most things. We had a little family get-together and it was great to see so many people show up.

On the way home, I thank God for blessing me with a great family. There is much LOVE in the air.

World Cancer Day - A Reflection

As Feb 4 was World Cancer Day, let’s take a look at the term cancer survivor, which has taken on a broader meaning these days, and is often used to include the caregivers and family members.

By SOO EWE JIN

SOMEWHERE in Istanbul, a four-year-old boy with leukaemia is bringing much joy to his parents because of his bright and cheerful nature. They see much hope despite the difficult situation. We connect by email now and then, just to share and encourage one another.

A new-found friend told me he was diagnosed with cancer at a time when he was still recovering from the loss of his teenage daughter in a traffic accident.

Life’s tough, he said, but we have to move on. I visited him at the oncology ward, supposedly to encourage him, and left feeling much blessed.

Another two friends had cancer scares in recent months, but subsequent tests revealed that the tumours had disappeared. They do not know each other, but I received their wonderful news half an hour apart.

When one has been through a cancer journey, such stories are not rare. I have lost many friends to cancer, but their amazing stories of hope in despair never fail to lift me up.

And many who have conquered cancer are out there doing their part to educate and encourage others on the same journey.
The Star’s Fit for Life section has been a treasure trove of good and informative stories about the Big C, especially those written by medical specialists,

But in reality, those going through cancer interact more with ordinary people than they do with the doctors.

The term cancer survivor has taken on a broader meaning these days, and is often used to include the caregivers, family members, and even people working in cancer-care organisations, like Hospis.

So, as we celebrate World Cancer Day (Feb 4), I would like to share some lessons that hopefully can benefit us when someone close to us has to go through a cancer journey.

> If you are not a doctor, and especially if you do not know anything about cancer, please do not give medical advice.
Not only do I not give medical advice, but I also take care not to overly share my own experiences because we know every patient is different, not only by way of temperament, but also in the way he or she reacts to the treatment.

> I find that I often have to help people debunk the myths. I tell them not to listen to the horror stories of people who were there years ago.

A problem that all cancer patients face is that the moment the Big C is mentioned, everyone will have a horror story to share, a supplement to recommend, an alternative cure to promote, and a doctor to criticise. Such unsolicited advice can confuse, depress and disturb. Let us be careful how we give advice.

> I have learnt, through many trials and errors, that at a time when someone is facing a problem, the last thing he wants to hear is another person’s problem.

Do take note that when you visit a cancer patient, make the person you visit the most important person for the moment. There is no need to tell him about another person’s problem.

> Rather than dispense advice, the best thing you could do for a cancer patient is to simply be there. If we are the person with whom someone wants to share his burden, let’s learn to keep our mouth shut and our ears open. Let’s just be there to hold their hands.

> Practical help, often behind the scenes, is the most useful. Help with transport, help with the cooking, take the patient’s children out. Share your CD and DVD collections with patients.

> Remember the caregiver. I remember how happy my wife was when a friend came by not only to give me my fruits, but to also give her a pack of essence of chicken and a bouquet of flowers.

Take the caregiver out to a meal or to a movie, or even for a walk in the park. Remember the caregiver, not just the patient.

> And finally, as we live through such tumultous times when irresponsible elements are playing up racial and religious differences, take a trip to the oncology wards, and be encouraged by how Malaysians from all walks of life relate to one another in love and harmony.

I have shared this before but let me share it again: One day, I was visiting the oncology ward and saw three women – a Malay, a Chinese, and an Indian – reading the little book, Face to Face with Cancer, which I had written with my wife about my journey with the Big C.

The nurses excitedly told them that I was the author because I was quite bald at the time, having just completed my own chemotherapy, and they did not recognise me.

The Malay lady smiled at me and, waving the book, said, “Your Tuhan is very good!”

Yes, I replied, and He loves all of you too. And in solidarity with me, they removed their wigs and we had a good laugh.

> Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin, like all cancer survivors, is thankful for the many blessings in his life, especially being a Malaysian where we can celebrate our differences and still be united as one.

This article appears in The Sunday Star on Feb 7.

The power of an encouraging word

I love the Irish. They have a nice way of blessing people. This is one of my favourite Irish blessings:

An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

I often use it when saying goodbye to friends, who are leaving for greener pastures, at home or abroad.

An Irish Prayer

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

This one, I often share, when I am at a loss for words to encourage someone going through a trial.